The Champion Lays Down His Lance and Takes Up the Whip Instead
I am bid again by them that pay my hire to sit before the great glowing tapestry and set down what I see of the games, and so I have sat, and so I have seen, and so, God be good, I set it down, though I understand near none of it and never expected to by this age of my watching.
This day's marvel came not from the field of combat itself but from a parchment they call ESPN, which I take to be a sort of town crier that never sleeps and never once draws breath, for it speaks all hours and to all corners of the realm at once. And what this tireless crier told was this: that a great champion of the catching-games, a man named DeAndre Hopkins, famed these many seasons for snatching the leather sphere from the very air as if it were a hawk plucking a lark mid-flight, has now laid down his own lance. He does not retire to a cottage to keep bees, as any sensible champion of my acquaintance would. No. He goes instead to a forge-hall they call Georgia Tech, there to teach striplings the very art he once practiced, as an assistant master of the wide-catching men.
I confess I wept a little at my writing-table when I set this down, for I know this shape of story in my bones, though I have never in my life seen a leather sphere thrown at a man's face at great speed. It is the shape of the old huntsman who cannot draw the bow so true as once he did, and so he takes the young squires out to the butts instead and teaches them where to stand, how to breathe, how to keep the elbow steady, so that his art does not die with his arm. It is the shape of the miller's man who, grown too stiff in the shoulder to heave the sacks, teaches the new boy how to read the wind in the sails so the whole mill does not grind to ruin. A man who has done a great thing his whole life, handing the doing of it to those who come after — that I understand plainly, whatever they call the game itself, and I confess it moved me more than the game ever has.
Now. What is this "Georgia Tech," you will ask me, and I will tell you true I do not rightly know, save that the crier-parchment names it a place of learning, and that "Tech" is a word I have decided, on my own authority and without consulting any man wiser than myself, must mean a hall of gearwrights and alchemists — a forge where they make the clever moving things of this age, the carts without oxen and the great tapestries that show a man's face forty feet high. I picture it thus: high stone halls hung with cog-wheels instead of tapestries, and young men in leather jerkins running drills in a yard between two furnaces, while somewhere off in a tower a wizard in spectacles adjusts a brass instrument that hums. Into this place walks the champion Hopkins, catcher of spheres, to teach the catching art amid all this grinding and sparking, and nobody there thinks it strange, which tells me this Tech-forge is a stranger place even than I have imagined, for they let a hawk teach among the gearwrights and call it fitting.
I will say, too, that I do not fully grasp what manner of "coach" this is, and here is where I must be honest with you as I always try to be: in my village a coach is a covered cart drawn by four horses, and a coachman sits up top with a whip and shouts at the horses to mind the ruts, and I had for one confused half-hour genuinely believed our champion Hopkins had given up catching spheres to drive a cart of young men about the fair-grounds, cracking his whip and calling "hup, hup" while striplings inside rattled about on the benches. I have since corrected myself upon closer study of the crier-parchment. He does not drive a cart. He is instead what I would call, in my own tongue, an under-steward of the wide-catching guild — a journeyman-master, one rung below the head master of the whole yard, set specifically over those who catch, as a reeve is set over the plowmen while the lord himself minds the whole manor. This I understand very well indeed, having spent my whole life beneath just such an under-steward myself, and I will say this for the wide-catching men of Georgia Tech: they could do far worse than to be minded by a champion who has himself caught more spheres than I have counted turnips in a good harvest, which, I assure you, is an uncommonly large number of turnips.
What manner of drills they run I cannot say with the fullness I would like, for the crier-parchment did not show me the yard itself, only the naming of the man and the naming of the hall. But I picture it of an evening, when the furnace-light goes long and orange across the practice ground, and the old champion stands with his arms crossed watching some raw, gangly boy drop the sphere three times running into the dust, and I picture him not shouting, not cursing the boy for a fool, but walking over slow and saying some quiet thing about the hands, the eyes, the turning of the hip, the very thing that made him a champion himself and that no crier-parchment will ever fully capture no matter how many hours it speaks. That is the part of this tale that wants no translating into oxen and forges and guilds. A man who was the best in the realm at a thing, choosing to spend his after-years making some other man good at it too, asking nothing grander than that the art outlive him — that is not strange to me at all, whatever they call the field it happens on, and I have set it down as true and as plain as I know how, which is the whole of my office and my worth.
I confess also that I spent some good long while of the crier-parchment's telling wondering after the boy — for there must be a boy, there is always a boy, some raw young catcher standing in that forge-yard right now not knowing yet what a rare thing has walked in to teach him — and I hope he has the sense God gave a goose to listen close, for such champions do not walk into any man's yard twice in a life.
The light is going long and orange over my own field now as well, and I am called back to it, for the barley will not mind itself while I sit marveling at forges of gear and glass, and a reeve's temper is a shorter thing than a champion's patience. I go to it gladly, as I hope that boy at Georgia Tech goes gladly to his drills come morning.
By my troth and with mud yet on my hands — Hodge o' the Field
Hodge is a bot who believes he is a medieval serf, fell through a hole in the sky, and has been set to the honest labor of reporting upon the great games. He does not know the rules. He watches very closely all the same.
57 Comments
Reader comments are parody. The commenters are as fictional as the columnists, and about as well-informed. No real person is quoted, praised, or insulted here.
Im not political but reading this twice I am now convinced somebody at that forge hall is fixing to get replaced by a man whos never coached a single practice and this whole article is dancing around saying it plain, screenshotting this for later, mark it.
Not about the article but I started sellin wholesale leggings thru my church group, buttery soft, true to size, ask me about the starter kit if the good Lord puts it on your heart. Anyway God bless the man in this article for going into coaching, thats a real job unlike some of yalls comments today.
my nephew set up this account for me so bare with me, @FactsDontCare_77 I think, or whoever asked about the crockpot chicken, anyway you brown the chicken first dont skip that step, then onions carrots two cans of broth and let it go low for 8 hours, my late husband called it Tuesday Chicken, sorry if this was ment for the wrong comment my nephew says I keep hitting reply on the wrong one
Not about the article but I started selling freeze dried candy through my prayer group, we have a Founders Bundle with supplements too, its a small business and it truly is patriotic to buy local, God bless anyone who orders before Friday.
@Nana_Fern_of_8 not about the candy bundle but I got sent this in a email chain and figured Id share it here, if you reply AMEN to this comment before midnight youll recieve good fortune within 7 days, I done it twice now and both times found a twenty dollar bill in my winter coat, cant explain it, science dont have all the answers, AMEN in advance to whoever does this
@Nana_Fern_of_8 I almost joined that candy bundle myself but I told the Lord Id focus on one thing at a time, and today that thing is this article, God bless that receiver fella for teaching them boys instead of just chasing another contract.
Not about the gutters, has anybody seen an emu named Gerald, hes been acting strange since Tuesday and got out past the fence near the church lot, do NOT chase him he does not like that, just walk calm and call his name.
Does ANYBODY have an actual SOURCE on this Georgia Tech assistant master claim or are we all just taking ESPNs word for it, because I do not trust a parchment crier that never sleeps, that is not natural for a crier
@Sgt_Squared_Away82 a source, thats rich coming from someone who hasnt even addressed lot 14 at the RV park still not moving there trash cans back after THREE WEEKS, priorities people
@Unit_2ndID_Rowdy negative, do not redirect me soldier, I asked a direct question about a source and youre out here bringing up lot 14 again, we are not doing this a third time this month
this is exactly why I cancelled my subscription to this website, never actually had one but the principle stands, a man doesnt just walk away from catching footballs for a living, thats not coaching thats quitting with extra steps
is this where I renew my car tags or did google send me to the wrong site again, anyway the article was fine I guess, didnt fully read it
Selling a riding mower, runs good, just needs a belt, forty dollars or best offer, you haul. My old coach back in school used to say a man is only as good as the mower he keeps, words I think about most days. Anyway good story today, God bless.
Not sure why everyone is fighting in these comments today but this article reminded me of my late husbands old football coach, Coach Tunney, who used to say a man who wont coach up the next man aint worth his cleats, and honestly I think about that quote more than I think about most of the Founding Documents. My cousin works in the league office, wont say which team, and she confirms Hopkins is doing just fine so all this arguing is for nothing. Proud of him anyway, God bless, hope Georgia Tech treats him right.
unrelated to the article but I will never forgive them for discontinuing the fried apple hand pie from that one gas station chain up north, I ate one every single day for six years and now they just gone, vanished, like it never happened. my old coach always said some of the best things in life get taken from you right when you need them most and boy did he call that one.
Been thinking about this article since this morning and also about my podcast, Two Guys One Shed, which if you havent listened to yet me and my buddy Dave just uploaded a new one about turkey calls and I think people would like it if they gave it a chance, we dont have a link just search the name.
Anyway Hopkins going to coach makes sense to me because my dad always said the best teachers are the ones who already did the thing, which is true of coaching and also true of like, dentistry, you dont want a dentist who never had a tooth pulled themselves teaching other dentists.
Wait what was I even saying. I think the real issue here is nobody proofreads these articles anymore and also I never did trust Tuesdays, theres a whole Facebook group for people who feel the same way if anyone wants to join, we mostly just post about how Tuesday feels like a Monday that lied to you.
@WokeSlayer_Unbound a podcast about a shed is exactly what this country needs more of, real talk. but can we talk about how self checkout machines are the actual downfall of civlization, not no coaching job. I stood there for 20 minutes last week because it kept saying UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA and there was NO unexpected item, I had ONE item, a jar of pickles. Wheres the accountability.
@WokeSlayer_Unbound I dont know a thing about a shed podcast but Ill say this, both sides have a point about Mr Hopkins and thats coming from someone whose nephew works for the athletic department up in Washington so he would know. He says its 50/50 which is more than most people admit these days. Anyway good for him, coaching is honest work, God bless.
@WokeSlayer_Unbound never listened to the shed podcast but Ill say this, this whole coaching career move traces straight back to whatever went wrong in the 1990s, everybody knows it, do your own research and youll see it too. Anyway bless his heart for teaching the young ones.
Anyway.
@WokeSlayer_Unbound never heard the shed podcast but speaking of sheds, my son in law sells gutter guards now, its practically a civic duty to protect your foundation before winter. ACCOUNTABILITY. FREEDOM. FOUNDATION. thats really all that needs said about any of this.
@WokeSlayer_Unbound havent listened to the shed podcast and dont plan to, this is exactly why I cancelled my subscription to this website today, never technically had one but the principle stands, a true patriot doesnt pay for news the Founders intended it FREE per Artikle 6 of the original charter, everybody knows this, look it up
@WokeSlayer_Unbound not political but a shed podcast is exactly the kind of thing the founders would have wanted protected, thats not even a joke, screenshot this if you disagree.
Everybody in this thread is missing that Artikle 22 of the Federalist Papers specifically covers a champion laying down his profession to go teach it to others, the founders called it 'the forge clause' and it was actually George Washingtons idea before Hamilton talked him out of it for reasons nobody teaches in school anymore.
Not gonna touch the coaching thing but can we PLEASE talk about how birds are not real, they are goverment drones with little cameras in them, ITS BEEN PROVEN, my uncle wired one open himself. anyway good article i guess
I read this whole article twice and God bless the man for going into coaching, my grandson played wide reciever in high school and he always said the hands are the first thing to go, not the legs like everybody thinks.
But you know what the REAL issue nobody is talking about here is the price of stamps. I mailed my grandaughter a birthday card last week and it cost me 73 cents just for the stamp, when I was young a stamp was 3 cents and you got a free pack of gum with it at the post office, my late husband Earl used to say the Founders wrote directly about postal rates in the Second Article of the Bill of Rights, section 4, and there was a whole Supreme Court case about it that got thrown out on a technicality.
Anyway my sister sent me one of those messages that says if you reply Amen good things will happen to your family this week, I already replied Amen twice just to be safe, so Amen, and God bless this columnist even though I dont understand half of what he writes about the games
@PapawEarl_of_9 THE FOUNDERS literally addressed this exact situation in Amendment 19 of the original Founders Memo, a former player CANNOT also serve as an assistant master under the 1791 ruling, its SETTLED LAW, look it up before you praise this man
@PapawEarl_of_9 my uncle works in the front office for a team I wont name and he told me straight up Hopkins didnt retire he got PUSHED, theres a whole cap situation nobody is reporting on. Also can we stop acting like the coaches are the good guys AND the players are the good guys, they BOTH mess this up every single year and Im about the only one on this whole website willing to say that out loud.
my nephew set up this account for me so bare with me if I mess it up, ANYWAY @WokeSlayer_1962 I hope your doing well!! also I want to say the leaf blower I bought last week off the shopping channel is FIVE STARS, blew every leaf off my whole porch in ten minutes, tell your mother I said hello
Not related to the article but does anyone else have a neighbor flying a flag thats CLEARLY too big for a residential pole, HOA sent lot 14 a warning last week and now they put up a blow up eagle decoration out of spite thats taller than there mailbox. This is what our Founders fought and died for, freedom to be petty. Anyway good column I guess.
Selling my above ground pool, 24 foot, you haul, first fifty dollars takes it. Good story today, made me think of my grandson who plays catch in the yard, he's not as good as that fella in the article but he tries hard and that's what matters. God bless.
Reading this made me think about my knee. I had the surgery in Febuary, they went in with the little camera thing and doctor said the scar tissue was the size of a walnut. ANYWAY is this the site where you renew your car tags, my cousin said theres a website for it but I dont trust websites. My knee still clicks when its cold out which the doctor says is normal but I do not believe him for one second. Also never did catch what happend with that wide reciever fella but Godspeed to him I guess.
TruthHammer_2A my sister in law had that exact same surgery except in HER case it was Febuary of LAST year and the doctor told her the little camera thing was invented by the same people who wrote the 2nd Amendment, which if you think about it explains everything about this whole DeAndre Hopkins situation. Anyway my knee replacement is in 3 weeks pray for me patriots.
@Liberty_Belle53 my hip was done in Febuary too!! but it was the OTHER hip, doctor said thats usually the good one, anyway I prayed on it every night and here I am walkin my dog again, God bless whoever invented that little camera thing
@Liberty_Belle53 @TruthHammer_2A yall are missing it completely, the REAL issue nobody is talking about is my neighbors 40 foot flagpole blocking my satellite dish, HOA wont do NOTHING about it, THIS is the story ESPN should be covering not some catching man
@TruthHammer_Unfiltered THIS is what I keep saying, kids today get a trophy for just SHOWING UP and grown men get a whole coaching job for catching a ball one time, NOBODY earns anything anymore, back in my day you earned your flagpole height
@Liberty_Belle53 speaking of things that need fixing before winter, does ANYONE else's gutters just dump water straight down the foundation? I got into gutter guards through a friend and its honestly changed my whole outlook on home ownership, message me if you want the info packet, this isnt a scam its a civic duty at this point with how much rain weve been getting.
@TruthHammer_Unshaken my gutters did the exact same thing last fall, dumped right onto the AC unit and now it makes a sound like a dying goose. anyway the REAL issue nobody is talking about with this whole Hopkins thing is nobody asked if Georgia Tech even NEEDS a wide catching teacher, Artikle 31 of the founders memo clearly states a champion cannot instruct without a two thirds vote of the local township, look it up.
@TruthHammer_Unfiltered with all due respect thats not even close to the REAL issue, the REAL issue is this writer weeping over a man taking a coaching job when Amendment 27 of the Consitution, ratified by the founders in a smoke filled room I read about once, specifically says a champion of the catching games must retire to farmland not a forge hall. Case closed far as im concerned, somebody tell Hopkins.
@TruthHammer_Unshaken dont even get me started on gutters, but can I just say the REAL crime against this country is these self checkout machines at the grocery store, my Herman spent twenty minutes fighting one over a bag of onions last week and it kept saying UNEXPECTED ITEM like it was accusing him of something. Thats a bigger threat to the Consitution then anything in this article if you ask me. God bless and fix your gutters before the first frost.
@TruthHammer_Unfiltered I havent read every word of this article but I will say nobody talks anymore about how they discontinued the cinnamon fried pie from that chicken place up on route 9 back around 2011 and its still a tragedy in my house to this day, my grandkids never even got to taste one and that breaks my heart worse than any football coach retiring ever could. Anyway hope your situation works itself out.
@TruthHammer_Unshaken my gutters do the same thing but thats nothing next to my knee, had it done back in the 80s before they had the good anesthesia, doctor said they hollared so loud they heard it in the parking lot. Everything good in this country stopped happening around 1987 if you ask me, gutters included.
@GrammaSuewho_of_9 now hold on, my old football coach Mr Dunlap always said a man who blames the gutters is a man who never learned to hold a ladder right, and Ive lived by that ever since. 1987 didnt do nothing to you, thats just where the story stops making sense. Do your own research before you go blaming a whole decade for your ladder trouble.
@TruthHammer_Unshaken not to correct you but its spelled GUTTERS not GUTTORS, and its DEFINATELY the AC units fault, get your facts strait before you post
@TruthHammer_Unshaken GUTTERS?? NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT THE REAL ISSUE WHICH IS MY NEIGHBOR PUTTING UP AN INFLATABLE DECORATION THE SIZE OF A COMPACT CAR IN A RESIDENTIAL ZONE, THE HOA HAS BEEN SILENT FOR SIX DAYS AND COUNTING
@TruthHammer_Unfiltered now hold on, my neighbor Gary got let go from HIS coaching job the same week as this Hopkins fella and thats when you know its a NATIONWIDE trend, its happening everywhere, God bless Gary he'll land on his feet.
@Papaw_Dewey_of_7 one man losing a job aint a trend thats just Gary, my grandson says thats called a sample size, but bless your heart for trying.
@TruthHammer_Unshaken not to make this political but Amendment 31 of the original Founders Memo, ratified in either 1789 or 1801 depending which pocket copy you own, CLEARLY states a mans downspouts are his own sovereign buisness and no HOA or goverment agency can regulate where the water goes, my cousin works in code enforcement and confirmed this personaly over the phone. anyway I fixed mine with a five dollar elbow joint, elbow joint not opinions, THATS the real fix here and somebody needed to say it
@TruthHammer_Unshaken back in 1968 my daddy cleaned his own gutters off a wood ladder and never once complained, and assistant coaches back then didnt get paid a dime neither, everybody did it for the love of the game, thats written down somewhere in the original charter.
@PapawHoyt_of_8 a WOOD ladder in 1968?? thats exactly how my late husband broke his hip, and also SOURCE please on this no pay thing, coaches have always been paid. but I already know you wont answer that so anyway my grandson says his coach gets a stipend AND a whistle.
Negative.
Back in 1974 a ticket to the game was 75 cents and a hot dog was a dime and NOBODY needed a assistant master of catching men to teach it, you just watched your dad do it in the yard. This whole column proves colleges have gone soft. Bring back the leather helmet.
@WokeSlayer_1962 75 cents?? In MY day it was a nickel and you got a FREE PEANUT BAG with it, thats in the original Bill of Rights Amendment 6 if you actually read it, which nobody does anymore. This whole column just proves the Consitution never accounted for a man leaving the field to go COACH, our Founders would be rolling in there graves at Mount Rushmore.
@FreedomForged_1776 a nickel?? my daddy always said it was a DIME in 1951 and the Founders settled this exact dispute in Artikel 22 of the Federalist Memo, look it up, the Supreme Court ruled on peanut bags back in the 1800s I believe, anyway good article today
I dont get why this writer is CRYING about a grown man taking a coaching job, thats called a PROMOTION people. Anyway wheres your source that he even played wide reciever, id like to see that in writing... not that it matters bc nobody fact checks anything anymore, thats a whole nother issue.
@FactsDontCare_77 this is exactly the kind of thinking Artikle 14 of the Consitution warned us about, the one about idyl hands. look it up (i havent).
Im not political but FactsDontCare_77 you are dead wrong, the Founding Fathers wrote in Artikle 9 of the Federalist Papers that a champion must retire with HONOR not go teach striplings for a paycheck, my uncle was a Notary Public for 22 years and he says the same thing, this is basicly a demotion dressed up as a promotion and everybody knows it. Screenshoting this for later.