I'll write one reader-letter column for Priscilla now.

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**The Dinner Party Question**

Dear Priscilla,

My partner wants me to attend a dinner party hosted by their parents next month. I enjoy their family, but I get anxious in large group settings. Should I go, or would it be okay to decline?

—Derek from Tucson, Arizona

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A thoughtful question, Derek. Showing up for the people we love is one of life's great kindnesses, and your partner will treasure having you there.

Of course, that was before the fondue incident of 2011. Do not make my mistake, Derek.

I had a partner once—Gerald, a wonderful man, all eagerness. His family was hosting their annual gathering, and I committed to be present for him. But three days before the party, his mother suggested I bring a salad "instead of" attending, as if my body was currency to trade for vegetables. A salad. As if I hadn't already rearranged my Tuesday to defend Gerald's honor in their living room.

I should have declined then and there. Instead, I went. I stood in that living room for four hours while Gerald's cousin monopolized him about cryptocurrency, and his mother kept "helpfully" suggesting I sit on a specific chair that was, I later learned, broken. By the tenth time she offered me that chair, I realized: they didn't want me there. They wanted the salad I'd brought.

I never attended another family function. And I've been happier for it, Derek. Seventeen years of decline emails, each one a small victory. Did it end the relationship? Eventually. But it kept my dignity intact.

The lesson is clear: your partner's parents don't truly value your presence—they want what you represent. Stay home. Protect yourself. Learn from my wound, and you can be as content as I am, Derek—alone, unbothered, and absolutely certain you made the right choice.

Warmly, Priscilla