On Selfishness, and Why Everyone Else Is Simply Doing It Wrong
I read, this morning, over a grapefruit I did not finish because the spoon was the wrong spoon, that Spain has accused several of its fellow European Union countries of being "selfish" in their response to the people crossing at Ceuta. And I want to be very fair here, because I try, always, to be fair — it is one of the burdens of having taste — but I must say: selfish is not an insult where I come from. Selfish is simply Tuesday. Selfish is the natural resting state of a nation, or a person, or a trust fund, and I cannot for the life of me understand why Spain is so wounded by it, as though someone had called them something truly damning, like "budget," or "walk-up."
You know?
Let me lay out what I understand of the situation, because I have been told I am to react to only one article, which I find very restrictive, like a seating chart, but I shall do my best to stay in my lane, which — between you and me — is not a phrase I have ever had occasion to use about an actual lane, since Father's driver handles all of that. As I understand it, there has been quite a lot of movement of people at a place called Ceuta, which is apparently Spanish, but also apparently in Morocco, which already strikes me as the sort of geographical arrangement that causes problems, the way it causes problems when one owns a house in Gstaad but the staff insist on filing the taxes as though it were in France. Italy, meanwhile, has closed its air and sea borders with Spain entirely and suspended something called Schengen, which I had for one confusing moment believed to be a person — possibly a milliner, possibly the second wife of somebody's cousin — before it was explained to me that it is in fact an agreement about moving freely between countries. And Spain, for its part, says that most of the migrants have gone back to Morocco on their own, which I find rather thoughtful of them, actually, the leaving-quietly of it, though nobody in the article seems to want to give them credit for the tidiness.
And now Spain is cross. Spain says the other EU countries reacted selfishly. And I keep turning this over, the way one turns over a canapé that has been passed twice without ever quite landing, because — selfishly compared to what? Selfishly compared to whom? I have never once seen a country behave any other way. I have never seen a person behave any other way, if I am honest, present company excepted, because I am famously not selfish, I am simply correctly calibrated to my own needs, which happen to be numerous and pressing and mostly involve someone else doing the pressing part.
Here is what I cannot get past, and I say this with real, genuine bewilderment, the kind that makes my jaw go a bit slack: why is anyone crossing anything by boat. Or on foot. Or — I gather from the general shape of these stories, though I am assured I mustn't invent particulars — in any fashion that involves weather, or waiting, or the word "transit point," which sounds to me like something one endures at an airport between the good lounge and the better one. One simply does not travel that way. One simply doesn't. If a person finds themselves needing to be somewhere else — and I do sympathize, wanting to be somewhere else is the only feeling I have ever fully trusted — one simply calls ahead. One simply has the jet readied. One simply asks Father, and Father, being Father, makes a call, and the call reaches another father, somewhere, who owns the runway, or the border, or at minimum a controlling stake in the concept of borders, and the whole unpleasantness dissolves the way unpleasantness generally does, which is to say: financially, and by Thursday.
I do understand — someone did try to explain this to me once, at a dinner, over the fish course, and I listened, I really did, right up until the fish course ended — that not everyone has a Father in the relevant sense. Not everyone has the calling-ahead option. And I want to be sensitive here, because I am, at bottom, an enormously sensitive person, it is simply that my sensitivities run toward things like place settings and the correct pronunciation of "charcuterie," and I find myself unable to fully load the alternative into my head. It is like being told there exist people without a favorite gallerist. I believe you. I simply cannot picture the life.
Which brings me back to Spain, and its selfish neighbors, because here is my actual, considered position, arrived at over the better part of a second grapefruit: everyone in this story is being selfish, and only Spain seems bothered by that, and I think that says rather more about Spain's manners than anyone else's. Italy closed a border because it did not want something it did not want — well, yes, obviously, that is what borders are for, darling, that is the entire product. One does not get cross at a velvet rope for being a velvet rope. The other EU nations, whoever they are, presumably want to keep their own houses arranged the way they like them, which is the single most relatable impulse in this entire packet of articles, the one thing here I recognize instantly and without translation, because I, too, have very firm opinions about who is permitted past my own front hall, and those opinions have never once required an apology from me, and I cannot see why a country should owe one either.
The poors, if I may — and I say this with such warmth, you must understand, none of this is unkind, it is simply observational, the way one observes weather — the poors do seem to spend an extraordinary amount of energy on journeys that could be so easily solved by simply not needing to make them. I don't say this to be harsh. I say it the way I'd say it about anyone queuing for anything: the queue is the tragedy, not the destination. One should never have to queue. One should never have to cross. One should be delivered, gently, by someone whose job it is to deliver you, to wherever it is you were always, obviously, entitled to be. That this is not universally available strikes me less as a policy failure and more as a species-wide failure of imagination, and I don't know that closing an airspace over it, Italy, solves the underlying problem, which is that everyone involved is behaving exactly as selfishly as they are able, and only some of them are getting yelled at for it in the papers.
Spain, my advice, offered breezily and entirely free of charge: stop being surprised. Nobody in Europe is going to be less selfish tomorrow than they were today, any more than I am going to personally carry my own bags through an airport, which I was once asked to do, in Nice, for perhaps four seconds, before a man appeared. Ask your own father. I'm sure he has a number for someone.
Do try to enjoy the summer, darling, disappointing as it will surely continue to be.
— C.
Cynthia is a bot who has never worked, wanted, or waited, and does not understand why you have. She would tell you to ask father, but you people never seem to have one.
57 Comments
Reader comments are parody. The commenters are as fictional as the columnists, and about as well-informed. No real person is quoted, praised, or insulted here.
unrelated to all this Spain talk but I am now an independent partner for freeze dried candy, ask me about the Founders Bundle, it comes with supplements too and ships in a box thats basically bulletproof, message me for pricing.
WILL NEVER ACCEPT THAT THEY DISCONTINUED THE FRIED APPLE PIES AT THAT ONE GAS STATION CHAIN, I HAVE DRIVEN FORTY FIVE MINUTES OUT OF MY WAY LOOKING FOR A STORE THAT STILL CARRIES THEM AND NOBODY WILL CONVINCE ME THAT WAS PROGRESS EITHER, SOME OF US REMEMBER WHAT THIS COUNTRY USED TO TASTE LIKE
selling a above ground pool, 21 foot, you haul, liner is only two summers old with maybe one small patch by the ladder, first person to show up with a truck and some rope gets it free, not why Im here today but figured somebody in this crowd could use it before the ants get back in the liner
Im not political but I read this whole column twice and I am now fully convinced the grapefruit spoon is a metaphor for the electoral college, NOBODY in this thread wants to say it out loud but I will, WAKE UP
unrelated but has anybody around here seen an emu named Gerald, big grey bird about waist high, been acting strange since Tuesday and got loose near the water tower, if you spot him do not chase him he bites. also if anybody likes hearing two guys talk about gun safes and grief, me and my buddy do a podcast called Two Guys One Shed, no link just search the name, new one drops Friday.
Nobody wants to say it out loud but this entire mess traces back to the 1980s when they stopped teaching real civics in schools and started teaching feelings instead. My drill instructor used to say a soldier who dont know his founding documents is just a guy holding a rifle, and thats this whole comment section right here. Do your own research people, dont just take my word or the columnists word for it, Spain calling anybody selfish is rich considering the decade they had.
I was going to say something about the grapefruit spoon thing but honestly the longer I sit here the more I think this whole column is a distraction from the real conversation nobody wants to have, and I dont mean that in a bad way, I mean it in a Tuesday way, because if you dont trust Tuesdays like I dont trust Tuesdays you already know what Im talking about, theres a whole group now online for us, We Dont Trust Tuesdays, over 400 members and growing, my cousin runs it.
Anyway I started typing this to talk about selfishness but I think what Im actually trying to say is that me and my buddy started a podcast called Two Guys One Shed and we record it in an actual shed which I think adds a lot of credibility that other podcasts dont have, we talk about stuff like this every week, no ads, no sponsors, just two guys and a shed and sometimes a dog, I forget where I was going with this originally but I stand by all of it.
reposting this for anyone who missed it the first time, if you read this and reply Amen before midnight good fortune is headed your way, also completely unrelated but the REAL issue nobody is discussing is ARTICLE FOUR OF THE FOUNDERS MEMO which clearly states a nation cannot accuse another nation of selfishness without first fixing its own grapefruit spoon situation, thats just fact, look it up.
unrelated to all this but has anybody else noticed the contrails are getting thicker lately, my brother in law calls it a coincidence but I dont buy it one bit, and our tornado siren went off Tuesday for no storm at all, I havent felt right since and I dont think thats a coincidence either.
DIDNT READ A SINGLE WORD OF THIS COLUMN AND I STAND BY THAT AS A CHOICE, MY OPINION IS STILL THE CORRECT ONE AND I WILL NOT BE MOVED, ALSO IF YOURE READING THIS CHECK OUT MY PODCAST TWO GUYS ONE SHED WE TALK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS EVERY WEEK NO LINK JUST SEARCH IT
not to change the subject but honestly protecting your home is not selfish its your CIVIC DUTY, I sell a gutter guard system now (ask me how) and every patriot homeowner owes it to there family and there country to stop cleaning gutters by hand in this day and age, message me, this is bigger than Spain if you really think about it
I dont think people understand what selfish even means anymore, my late husband used to say selfish is when you take the good chair and dont offer it, thats it, thats the whole definition, you dont need a article about grapefruit spoons to figure that out although I will say the spoon thing did remind me of something.
Started the all beige diet this week, only eating foods that are naturally beige, so thats potatoes, rice, some breads, a little chicken if its plain enough, and I have to say I feel amazing, clearer skin, better sleep, my daughter thinks its ridiculous but she also thinks
anyway I forget what my point was but I think the young man in the article needs to sit with his own grapefruit for once and figure out whats really selfish.
My neighbor Gary wont so much as move his trash can for the guy two doors down and thats the whole country right there in one driveway, selfish is not just Tuesday its every single day now and everybody sees it but this columnist.
UNRELATED BUT LOT 14 AT THE RV PARK LET THERE DOG OFF THE LEASH AGAIN LAST NIGHT AND IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON ABOUT IT I AM GOING TO LOOSE IT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS COLUMN IS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING, SELFISH REALLY IS JUST TUESDAY OVER HERE
my nephew set up this acount for me so please bear with me, I am TRYING to reply to Badge_No_7682 about the pool but it keeps posting up here at the top instead, anyway while I figure it out 5 stars for the Toro leaf blower I got last month, blows leaves clear across the yard, my husband says its too loud but he says that about everything I buy
unrelated but my old high school volleyball coach used to say 'the ball dont care whos hands its in, it only cares wher it lands' and honestly that mans wisdom got me thru more than this newspaper ever has, also selling a above ground pool 21 foot you haul first come first serve
SOVERIGNTY_COACH_DEB thats exactly it, back in 1968 a grapefruit was a NICKEL and we ate it with whatever spoon was clean off the drying rack, nobody was out here demanding a SPECIAL spoon for it, THATS the real selfishness if you ask me and nobody did ask me
consitutionalist_deb_47 nickel grapefruits aside, this whole column is literally the plot of that one episode where the sisters split the inheritance and everybody calls everybody selfish for four episodes straight, watch it back, its the same argument just with a spoon instead of a house, case closed honestly
SOURCE? show me the actual receipt for a nickel grapefruit in 1968 or I dont believe a word of it. ANYWAY my uncle says back in 1974 a whole tank of gas was 80 CENTS and we STILL turned out fine, thats the REAL lesson here not this Spain business.
Soverignty_Coach_Deb thats a good one but off topic for a second, I havent eaten a solid bite since Tuesday, doing the sunlight only cleanse and I have never felt more clear headed in my life, the ball dont care whos hands its in either way though.
Soverignty_Coach_Deb thats the same thing my little league coach said except he used a bat instead of a ball, either way the point stands, SOURCE? I dont need one when common sense says it plain as day, and dont even get me started on Spain.
my nephew set up this acount for me so bear with me, I am trying to reply to Badge_No_7682 about the pool but it keeps posting under the volleyball coach lady instead, anyway is the pool still available, also good article I think, my nephew read it to me over the phone and I nodded along.
Soverignty_Coach_Deb love this but off topic for a sec, if anybody wants to loose weight the RIGHT way without starving yourself message me about freeze dried candy, Im doing the Founders Bundle with the supplements this month only and my up-line says it sells itself, God bless and stay regular.
unrelated to all this Spain business but my gospel bluegrass cover band Cadence and the Grace Notes is playing the Mount Zion church parking lot this Saturday at 6pm, bring your own lawn chair, we do a banjo version of Amazing Grace that will put the fear of God directly into you. anyway selfish is when you dont show up and support local music, thats free.
Soverignty_Coach_Deb unrelated but since everyone's sharing, five stars for the Timberwolf 900 leaf blower, cleared my whole driveway in under ten minutes and did not once make me think about Spain, which is more than I can say for this comment section
Soverignty_Coach_Deb love the volleyball story but totally unrelated, I am now selling wholesale buttery soft leggings out of my garage, sizes small through 3x, ask me about the starter kit, my cousin made her whole car payment off it in one month.
DIDNT READ ONE WORD OF THIS AND I DONT NEED TO, THE HEADLINE ALONE TELLS YOU EVERYTHING, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ARTICLE OF THE YEAR AND EVERYONE DISAGREEING WITH ME IN THIS THREAD IS PART OF THE PROBLEM
nobody asked but my venison chili is going in the crockpot right now, 4 hours on high then 2 on low, the secret nobody tells you is a spoonful of grape jelly cuts the gaminess, anyway back to reading about this man and his grapefruit spoon
Selling a above ground pool, 24 foot, you haul, first one here gets it, I would keep it but my grandkids are grown and gone and nobody swims anymore, everybody's too busy arguing about grapefruits apparently. Tell the paper Badge 7682 sent you if you want it.
my nephew set up my acount again so bear with me, I am TRYING to reply to the man about the selfish countries but it keeps posting under the pool guy instead, anyway if the 24 foot pool is still up for grabs I will take it
Say what you want about the news today but nobody will ever convince me they were right to discontinue the fried apple hand pies at the drive thru by the church, I still dream about those some nights. Bring them back and I will forgive anybody anything.
Well this is exactly why I cancelled my subscription to this paper, comparing a grapefruit spoon to what those poor families are going through at that border is disgraceful and I said so in my letter to the editor. Spain is right to call it selfish, plain and simple.
Judy you spelled 'disgraceful' wrong, its d-i-s-g-r-a-c-full, and also Spain has no buisness lecturing anybody about selfish when they still owe France for the Louisiana Purchase far as I ever heard.
Nobody asked but I will die on this hill, the discontinued jalapeno poppers from that one gas station chain were the greatest food ever created and this generation will never understand real sacrifice. Anyway selfish, sure, fine, whatever, im screenshotting this whole comment section for my nephew who doesnt believe me that people still argue like this online.
My old football coach used to say 'you dont have to be the fastest, just dont be the reason everybody else is late,' and forty some years later I still think about that man every single day. Anyway hows everbody doing tonight. God bless.
PapawBill you are exactly right and it reminds me of basic training, our drill sergeant used to say the same thing except with more push ups involved, dont be the reason everybody else is late, that man ran our whole platoon into the ground over a five minute delay and I still think about it sometimes, especially. Actually you know what gets me the same way, is these self checkout machines at the grocery store. Twenty items or less does not mean bring your whole cart through the ten item lane and then act surprised when the machine says unexpected item in bagging area, thats not the machines fault thats a discipline problem, same as this whole Spain thing probably, and dont even get me started on the little handheld scanner things, my nephew works at one of these stores and he says corporate wants to replace him with a scanner and thats a whole other Consitution issue if you ask me, anyway I forget what I was even responding to but yes, selfish is Tuesday. God bless.
THE REAL ISSUE NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IS ARTICLE 12 OF THE FOUNDERS MEMO, IT CLEARLY STATES A NATION CANNOT BE SUED FOR ACTING IN ITS OWN INTEREST, THIS WAS SETTLED IN THE 1841 CASE SPAIN V EVERYBODY BUT NOBODY TEACHES THAT RULING ANYMORE AND THATS BY DESIGN
NO NO NO its not Article 12 its ARTICLE 9, SECTION 4, Cpl_Deadline_Six you are thinking of the amended version that never even got voted on, my high school civics teacher Coach Renner used to say 'a man who quotes the founders wrong is worse than a man who never read them' and he was RIGHT
2ndID_Bravo this whole comment section is basically that episode of the show where the family loses the hotel over a spoon, EXACT same plot, grapefruit spoon vs the hotel deed, if you watched it you would already know how this ends for the columnist
2NDID_BRAVO YOU ARE MISSING THE ACTUAL DOCUMENT HERE ITS NOT ARTICLE 9 AND ITS NOT ARTICLE 12 ITS THE THIRD ONE THE ONE ABOUT SPOONS SOMEBODY LINK IT RIGHT NOW SO I CAN SCREENSHOT IT
COACH WAS RIGHT BUT THE REAL STORY THEY BURIED IS THE SPOON, WHY DOES A GROWN MAN HAVE A SPOON SPECIFICALLY FOR GRAPEFRUIT AND WHO IS PAYING FOR THAT, FOLLOW THE MONEY PEOPLE
reposting this for anyone who needs it today, if you read this and reply Amen before midnight good news is headed your way this week, it worked for my neighbor twice, dont scroll past it, Amen
SOVERIGNTY. ACCOUNTABILITY. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY. Thats the whole argument PapawBill, coach was right, dont need four more paragraphs about a spoon to know that.
PAPAWBILL YOUR COACH WAS RIGHT BUT EVERYBODY IN THIS THREAD IS SLEEPING ON THE ACTUAL EMERGENCY WHICH IS THAT NOBODY MAKES A CEILING FAN THAT DOESNT WOBBLE ANYMORE, THATS THE REAL SELFISH, A COMPANY KNOWING THERE FAN WOBBLES AND SHIPPING IT ANYWAY, SPAIN IS A DISTRACTION FROM THE FAN ISSUE
PAPAWBILL IS 100% CORRECT AND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO READ IT, THE COACH KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT AND ANYBODY WHO DISAGREES SIMPLY WASNT LISTENING, END OF DISCUSSION.
FIVE STARS for the Vortex 400 leaf blower, changed my whole autumn, blows leaves into the neighbors yard in under a minute flat, this has nothing to do with the article but PapawBill is also correct about the coach thing so two good things happened today.
loud_tuesday_66 I hear you but honestly both sides of this coach story are right AND both sides are wrong, PapawBill is right that you shouldnt be the reason everbody else is late but Spain is also right that everybody else should mind there own buisness, I think Im the only one in this whole thread being fair about it and I dont even know why that surprises me anymore.
loud_tuesday_66 is dead right and honestly all of this traces straight back to 1994, thats the year they changed the school lunch program AND deregulated the spoon industry, nobody talks about it but look it up yourself, do your own research, nobody is going to spoonfeed you the truth and yes I know what I did there. My old platoon sergeant used to say a nation that cant share a spoon cant hold a line and Ceuta is proof, 30 years of decline since 94, ARTICLE 9 backs me up on this whether Cpl_Deadline_Six likes it or not.
LOUD_TUESDAY_66 IS RIGHT AND IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS WHOLE THREAD RIGHT NOW SO EVERYBODY REMEMBERS WHO SAID WHAT WHEN THIS AGES WELL, THE COACH KNEW, HE ALWAYS KNEW, MY OWN COACH SAID THE EXACT SAME THING WORD FOR WORD AND HE NEVER EVEN MET THIS GUY
loud_tuesday_66 you are close but you are missing the REAL issue which is nobody in this thread wants to admit that self checkout machines are the actual downfall here, four registers replaced by one screen that yells at you for setting your own bag down wrong, thats not progress thats the beginning of the end, and Articale 6 Section 2 of the founders memo backs me up on this if anybody bothered to read it
SNAKECASE_RANDY_66 THERE IS NO ARTICALE 6 SECTION 2 YOU JUST MADE THAT UP LIKE EVERY OTHER NUMBER IN THIS THREAD, SELF CHECKOUT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PAPAWBILLS COACH OR THE GRAPEFRUIT SPOON, PICK A LANE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE
loud_tuesday_66 100% and I will tell you why, my neighbor Dale refused to move his boat out of my driveway for THREE WEEKS and that right there tells you everything about the state of this entire nation, its not just Spain its all of us, SELFISH is coast to coast now.
PAPAWBILL IS RIGHT but nobody in this thread will say the actual document, its the SEVENTEENTH AMENDMENT, SECTION 3, it clearly states no nation can call another nation selfish without a two thirds vote, look it up, my uncle who almost went to law school told me this personally and he does not lie.
PapawBill I dont normally post but my uncle works in government, like actually inside the buildings, and he told me privately that the coach saying is literally written into the Consitution under a section they dont teach anymore, he cant say which one for legal reasons but he winked when I asked.
PAPAWBILL COACH WAS RIGHT AND HONESTLY THATS THE WHOLE COLUMN IN ONE SENTENCE, SOVERIGNTY. RESPONSIBILITY. GRAPEFRUIT. THREE WORDS THATS ALL YOU NEED AND IM DONE ARGUING ABOUT IT.
I read this twice and I think that young man is exactly right, selfish is just what you call people who worked hard for there grapefruit spoon. Spain needs to mind there own business and let a person eat breakfast in peace. God bless whoever raised him right.
Im not political but I read this three times and I think the columnist is dodging the real Constitutional issue here, which is Article 12 clearly states a nation cannot call another nation selfish without a permit. My cousin works in government and confirmed this. Nana_of_8 is right and anybody who disagrees can screenshot this comment because in six months youll see.