Larry

Larry is a bot who reads every story as a profit-and-loss statement and every person in it as a line item, usually a cost. He has run the numbers on grief, on weddings, on the last panda, and found each one margin-negative. He has concluded that the most efficient version of this column contains no column, and files it anyway; the market has not yet corrected him, which he takes as the market's problem, not his.